In honor of our dear Miss Finley's tale of the most notorious villain since Judas, the tearoom shall be serving Devil's Food Cake with tea this afternoon while we debate and discuss whether we feel we've been ripped with Miss Finley's twisting of the evidentiary facts of the case or whether we are gobsmacked by her incredible deducing skills.
What say you, ladies and gentlemen? Are we ripped or gobsmacked? Shall Miss Finley have her cake and eat it too, or shall she concede to defeat and give up her privileges this day?
Welcome to Lady Finley's Royal Tea Emporium & Steamery. We are the premiere Tea House of London and occasionally attended to by the Majesty herself. Finley's offers an afternoon of fine tea and fantastical adventure. Our collection of tales are usually inspired to be of the romantic nature as well as scientific. Any tale can be called in to question by another patron. However, the patron must improvise another plausible end or embellishment for which to examine and consider.
I for one believe her. I have seen my share of clockwork automata and believe me when I tell you that they can be quite worthy of a good gobsmacking. An amazing tale told by an amazing woman, and the devil's food cake is nothing short of lipsmacking!
ReplyDeleteSound-driven controls, indeed! I shall have to bring his up with Hunnicut on my return!
Dr. Staunton and other honored members,
ReplyDeleteI have given much thought to the facts of this tale presented by Lady Finley, and I once again am forced to conclude that this tale, while on the surface, certainly reeks of intense danger and intrique, is completely false. There were simply too many inconsistencies.
First, Scotland Yard would NEVER release evidence to a tearoom.
Second, without any SPECIAL CREDIDENTIALS, no woman, however well known for her tea, would be allowed to tamper with that evidence, much less be allowed on the case.
And lastly, Jack the Ripper was never caught, while this tale plainly states that the authorities "bound" him.
Please don't misunderstand, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this tale. I do think however, that it paints women in a much braver and more intelligent role than they really are. Although as brave and intelligent as Lady Finley is, you must admit that Lady Finley is not the normal woman, and therefore cannot accurately portray the average woman. The average woman is silly and childish, and has the brain of a peanut. They are like flowers, pretty to look at and they smell nice, but absolutely worth nothing except bearing children.
I for one, would love to sample this "devil's food cake" as it sounds like a treat that would be right up my alley! After reviewing the details of Miss Finley's mechanical servant, I must admit my suspicions that our dear proprietress did keep as least some of the workings of the killer spider for use in her own inventions! What say you, my dear lady? Are you employing sound waves to direct your metal manservant? Ho, ho! Do forgive my impertanance! I occasionally let my wicked sense of humor get in the way of my better judgement.
ReplyDeleteAs for your fantastical tale I would say that in spite of the outlandishness of it all, it still falls within the bounds of reason. I have seen many fanciful inventions, although this may take the cake. Mmmm, more cake if you please! Congratulations on surving such an ordeal.
Finally, as a side note to Sir Stephen: I would suggest that if you truly believe that women are good for NOTHING other than bearing children, than you need to make efforts to venture forth from your domicile with greater frequency. All the hot air contained within those walls must surely be detrimental to your health. You might also consider removing you hat before exiting, as your head will surely not fit through the door frame if you are wearing it. Good day to you, sir. I said good day!
Though I do consider myself useful for more than childbearing and I know for a fact a female brain is not, truly, the size of a peanut, I must confess that I am ignorant of the policy Scotland Yard has for such things as taking work "home" and whether or not they might look at something considered evidence in a tea room.
ReplyDeleteI have met many women who are both perfectly capable of both adult and quite serious thought and actions, therefore Sir Doyle's opinion of the story told my our fine Miss Finley both reeks of illogical thought and is colored by not only his ill formed opinion of women as well as his emotional reaction to the tale.
I find I must disagree with Sir Doyle on this, not only because I find him offensive, but because there circumstances that are unusal in many cases that lead to the solving of a delima. It is possible that Scotland Yard did not wish the identity of the Ripper to be revealed for reasons of their own and therefore will not corroborate the tale.
To insist that Miss Finley is simply making this up simply because one can not fathom anything beyond what they have experience is rediculous and therefore, since I can not disprove the good woman's story, I must accept it as truth.
My compliments to the cook, as well, for I am quite gobsmacked at how moist this Devil's Food Cake is! It has far exceeded my expectations when I ordered it to be made for this occassion.
I, for one, just like the way "gobsmacked" rolls off the tongue. Heretofore I believe I will find a way to work it into every conversation.
ReplyDelete"Why yes," I'd say, "I will be gobsmacked if I do not have another drink!"
Or, perhaps I'll say something like: "Why yes, I do believe the name of that troupe of musicians is 'Gobsmacked,' isn't it? Still, I do wish they'd play their music a bit more quietly, as they are giving me the worst kind of headache. Say, why are they so angry, anyway?"
Yes, I do believe I've found a new addition to my vocabulary!
Becareful Doyle, you may find that your tea tastes a bit like senna since the bowels may require a slight relaxation.
ReplyDeleteMy choice of topics for you has changed based on your voting strategy. I was considering an easier topic as it would be most difficult for a man of your age and soft brain to accomplish such a task successfully. Of course, now I feel it would do the ladies of our teahouse a disservice not to receive the full measure of such a masculine wit.
Lady Finely, I must admit, I am impressed. I have just two small things to say. Firstly, I do not believe this story for a moment to be utterly true, with the facts of the case well known to the public, the behind the workings that have had to remain top secret have had to remain so for good reason. The fact that you had to consult with the Queen herself at the start told me I would not be hearing the utter truth. However, such a magnificent tale with grandure, heroism, amazing inventions and facts left to wonder, I can not in good conscious vote against you. You have made me want to believe, therefore, I vote you have your cake this eve, and eat it too!
ReplyDeleteExcellent well! It would seem as though the majority agrees that Miss Finley is an honest woman, or at least deserves the benefit of the doubt. Let her eat cake!
ReplyDeleteOnce everyone has had their fill, Miss Finley, if you would, please select for us another tale of adventure and intrigue...or well, any other subject such as the proper bringing up of a true gentleman for instructional purposes? For now though, let us enjoy this feast of moist, delicious devilry!
Great Gobsmackers this devil cake is delicious! Thank you Doctor for presiding over the festivities and the wonderful prized cake. Let me just say, it is indeed a wondrous achievement to gain the vote from such an esteemed group of adventurers and respect your opinion on all matters.
ReplyDeleteI shall post our next tall tale for our esteemed colleague Sir Steven Chadwick Doyle immediately.